Heaven's Reality

[Richard El Britannia]

Name: Heaven's Reality
Type of writing: Prose
Subject: The afterlife
Genre: Action, Sci-Fi (Romance may be included later on)
Summary: Derick works as a defender of his village and does his job pretty well. One day, an old woman is slain by a bandit and Derick finds the bandit and kills him. The following night, the bandits catch wind of their friend's demise and take to the village to destroy it. Derick is killed and wakes up in a land very unfamiliar to him.
Status: Still being written. 3 (chapter 3 is not finished yet) chapters written so far.



Chapter One: The Demise Of The Defender
The sun arose from behind the sleepy mountains and shone over Kranden Village. It was a peaceful village, situated in the mountains. Everyone played a role in the village; one was a farmer, one a tailor, one a wood smith and so on. Everyone had a purpose.
As usual, the elderly awoke early, whilst the younger people of the village carried on sleeping. Derick was one of those who just carried on sleeping, until a scream was heard from outside. Derick yawned, sat up in his bed and stretched. He got up slowly, and walked over to the window, thinking that one of the local children was playing early in the morning again but much to his surprise, it was far from it. On the floor, lay an old woman, lying in a puddle of blood, which still oozed from her body. It was clear from the careless slit across her stomach, that the person who killed her was no professional. Derick carried on looking, pondering, whilst people started running out, screaming and crying.
"Damned idiots," Derick muttered, picking up a bucket, and leaving his house. Derick strolled up the road in the clothes he had slept in; old rags that covered his legs and the top half of his body. Despite the shocked people running past, Derick just carried on walking up the road oblivious to it all, until he reached the village well. He put down his bucket and leant over to grasp the rope hanging down the well when he heard the noise of footsteps quickly approaching from behind a nearby house. Derick spun around with haste and noticed a huge man wielding a huge broadsword running at him. Derick quickly picked up his bucket and threw it at the crazed, baboon-like man. The man lunged at it with his sword, then carried on running, but much to his surprise, Derick wasn't where he was before. Instead, he was behind his attacker, ready to unleash a mammoth punch into the top of his spinal cord, in the hope of either killing or paralysing him. Unsurprisingly, the man flew forward and promptly hit the floor, dropping his sword next to him. Derick walked over to him and lifted him up by his shirt. "Bandit?" Derick asked, shaking the pitiful creature by his shirt. "Are you a bandit?" The man remained silent. "If you don't speak, I'll make your death very painful. However if you answer my questions, it'll be quick and painless. So, are you a bandit?" The man continued to keep his silence. Derick dragged the man over to the wall of a nearby building and smashed his head against the wall. "Answer me! Are you a bandit?" Derick shouted, readying to smash the man's head into the wall again.
"Ye-" the man replied, being stopped mid-speech by coughing up blood. "Ye-yes."
Derick grinned. "Good, now, did you kill an old woman before you tried to kill me?"
"Ye-y-yes, I-I di-did," the bandit said, again coughing up more blood.
"Final question, then its goodnight," Derick said to the bandit. "Why are you here?"
The man at this point started coughing uncontrollably, then started shaking violently.
"Damn," Derick thought, throwing the bandit's body to the floor. "The idiot's long gone now." Derick walked over to the sword, picked it up and thrust the point into the bandit's corpse. He made his way back over to the well and picked up his bucket, tied it to the rope and sent it down to retrieve some water.
Everyone played a role in the village. One a farmer, one a tailor, one a wood smith, and Derick: the defender.

Later that day, a meeting was held in the village hall. Everyone was expected to go. The village hall was vast, filled to the brim with all kinds of people muttering things about the killing.
There was a loud cough at the front of the hall and everyone went silent, except two teenagers who sat in the bottom corner. Tabatha Seelsby aged fifteen and Edward Uebus aged sixteen, who was Derick's younger brother.
"Hehehe, show it me again, Ed!" Tabatha whispered, giggling.
"Okay," Edward replied, pulling a small lizard out of his pocket.
"Tabatha Seelsby! Edward Uebus! We shall have silence!" Shouted out an old man who stood at the front of the hall, next to Derick, who was staring disgustedly at his younger brother. Edward and Tabatha looked up quickly, both with bright red faces.
"Sorry, Tengett," Edward whispered to the small lizard, putting him gently into his trouser pocket. The old man coughed again, slamming his walking stick down onto the wooden flooring. He stood about five foot tall hunched over, with barely any hair and he wore an eye patch over his left eye. He wore a clean, rich suit and was constantly trying to keep his reputation as leader. His name was Henri Jenks. "As you know, a terrible tragedy hit our humble village this morning," he said to the crowd. "Jann Klemp, who happened to be a very close friend of mine, was slaughtered by a bandit from a tribe in the mountains. Luckily, Derick found the cur who did this and caught him. Derick managed to get that much information out of him, before he died. Sadly, we don't know why the bandit did this or why he targeted our village, but Derick will now be keeping a more vigilant guard on the village during the night and early hours. Also, he has requested that four people join him on his patrols."
At this point, the crowd started mumbling, "what? None of us are as strong as him", "he's mad if he expects us to do that sort of thing."
Henri slammed down his stick once again. "Is there nobody that will help? This is for the benefit of the village."
A couple of strong-looking men walked forward, whilst Edward and Tabatha - who were still sat in the corner - continued to talk and joke.
"As I thought! Edward and Tabatha, you are still talking!" Henri shouted, hitting his stick down hard at the floor once again, making Edward and Tabatha quickly jerk back up. "It'd do you some good to help out your brother, Edward! You too, Tabatha! As of tomorrow, you shall both help with Derick's duties!"
"Sir, don't you think they are slightly too young for this kind of work?" Derick questioned.
"Nonsense, Derick my lad; they're too relaxed. In my day, our generation had been in many a battle before we were even nibbling the feet of adulthood. These children are reaching adulthood and they know nothing of hard work. Be trusting, Derick. We shall see a change in them yet." Henri whispered to Derick, then turning to the crowd, he said, "Those who volunteered themselves to help with the defence patrols, meet here tomorrow at sunrise. You may leave now; thank you for coming."
Derick walked over to Edward and Tabatha, with the same look of disgust as before. "If any other bandits do attack this place, don't get in my way. I'll kill them all and you'll only hinder me. Edward, you put a filthy mark on the Uebus household. We were a proud family of warriors until the day that you were born. I suspect mother and father are turning in their graves." Derick said, in a tone of absolute disgust and he stormed out of the hall.
Edward looked down at the floor, barely being able to hold back his tears.
"I still love you," Tabatha said reassuringly, taking his hand.
"Thank you," Edward replied, wiping his eyes.

'Why must I have to put up with that blundering idiot of a brother?' Derick thought, rushing down the street to his home. 'He's a failure; refuse. As far as I'm concerned, a bandit can kill he and his pathetic girlfriend. They will just continue to besmirch the Uebus family name whilst living, otherwise!'
Once Derick returned to his house, it was dark and getting ever closer to sunrise, so he decided that there was no need for him to sleep. He quickly got changed into his only other set of clothing, which consisted of matching rags; top and bottom. He walked over to a large sword which leant against a wall, took it and resting the blade on his shoulder, he quickly left. He walked casually out of this house, and turned to face the village exit. 'They'll return. Once they find out that one of their men has been killed; they'll surely be here for revenge,' Derick thought, as he slammed the point of his sword into the ground. 'Skies, Sun, Moon and Stars, please grant me the power to crush my foes.'

"Quickly, Tabby!" Edward shouted, hauling a big sword behind him. "We're going to be late!"
"I'm sorry, Ed, but this sword is too heavy for me to lift." Tabatha replied, gasping for breath and dragging an equally large sword behind her.
Edward quickly ran over to Tabatha, dragging his sword behind him. "Here, let me help you." He said to her, forcing a smile whilst taking the handle of her sword. Edward pressed on, dragging the two huge swords behind him, with Tabatha following slowly behind. 'Damn,' Edward thought. 'Why did that old fool make us use these huge things? I'm sure there are some smaller weapons; besides, we can't defend the village very well with these swords if we can't even wield them.' Edward slowly came to a stop in the middle of the road and dropped to the floor.
"Edward? Edward!" Tabatha shouted, running over to him. "Edward, are you okay?"
Edward turned his head over to Tabatha as she ran over, and tried to push himself up off of the ground, only falling back down, but this time, landing on his back. "Damn it," He joked, as Tabatha knelt down next to him. "The swords are stronger than the master. Heh, I can't even move now; I'm exhausted."
"Thank God," Tabatha said, falling onto her back next to Edward. "I thought you had hurt yourself."
"You don't have time to be sitting with me, you'll get into trouble with Old-Henri," He said, turning his head to Tabatha's. "Get going, then at least you won't get into trouble.
"No!" Tabatha said defiantly, looking up at the stars. "It's such a nice night, why can't we just enjoy it?"
"I suppose we could stay," Edward said, looking up. "Since when have we ever done what we were told to?"

"As expected; they haven't shown up." Derick said to Henri, both of whom stood in the town hall, with the two men who had volunteered previously to help with the defence duties.
"They are nothing but defiant children, we were foolish to think they would obey," Henri said, afterwards sighing. "You two; Jon, Freid - go look for them, we will wait here for you."
"Yes sir," Freid replied obediently, leaving the hall hastily with Jon.
Derick rested his sword against the wall of the hall and sat down on the floor. "I suspect they'll be a while finding Edward and Tabatha. They are always hard to find." He said, again with the tone of disgust he expressed previously about the two.
"I belie-" Henri started to say, but was interrupted by Jon and Freid running into the hall.
"Bandits!" Freid shouted, struggling for breath and pointing outside. "Bandits are attacking! Edward and Tabatha have been killed! They're raiding houses!"
Derick quickly jumped to his feet and took up his sword. "Fools! Then why are you not fighting? Move!" He shouted, running out of the hall with his sword. Outside, a huge group of bandits could be seen setting fire to the finely crafted houses and people being slaughtered. Bodies lay scattered across the road, the stench of death plagued the air. "Maggots! I'll crush you all!" Derick shouted, running at a random bandit, who was hunched over a wasted body, hitting it with an axe. Derick swung the huge sword above his head, then forced it through the back of the bandit, pulling it back upwards, ripping the body in half, from the stomach up. Blood flew into the air, as Derick back flipped over a bandit who was running at him from behind. In mid-air, Derick forced the sword through the bandit's head, then landing with a loud thud. Suddenly, most of the bandits were gathered around Derick. The largest, most muscular bandit forced his way to the front. It was obvious that he was their leader.
"What? Are you meant to be the leader or something?" Derick asked, gripping onto the sword even harder. "It must only be power then, obviously. I can tell that you're no smarter than the rest of those maggots."
The leader didn't understand a word that Derick had said, nor did the rest of the bandits. The leader shouted something in his language and all of the bandits started cheering, eerily. He turned and walked out of the crowd, followed by a few of the bandits while about ten stood around Derick, still chanting. One slowly walked forward and Derick sped at him and swung the sword into his waist. Almost immediately, the rest of the bandits had thrown themselves at Derick; their axes digging into him, his blood smothering the floor. Derick's vision started to blur as his bloody sword dropped beside him. Shaking, he slowly moved his hands in front of his face, the bandits still forcing their axes into his tough body. He coughed and blood sprayed the floor.
"Not - not like this," He muttered, slowly falling to his knees, as if not feeling the great pain that was spreading across his body. "How could I be defeated by a bunch a bandits?" Derick finally fell to the floor, lying face-first in a puddle of blood. His own blood.
The bandits stood over Derick chanting again, whilst jumping around his dying, shredded, body. After a few minutes, the bandits stopped their strange ritual and pulled their axes out of Derick's body. Blood spurted out of the wounds and Derick couldn't move an inch. His body had reached human limitation. All he felt was cold. He wasn't even able to feel pain.
Above him stood the crazed bandits, laughing hysterically like hyenias. One of them muttered something in their language, then seconds later, Derick heard them running towards him.

Derick expected to feel something hit him; some kind of pain: the killer blow. Instead, he awoke lying down on what seemed to be a dirty wasteland: a baron wasteland with barely any living vegetation. All that could be seen was the dirty, stony ground in all directions. He pushed himself up and looked at his clothing. Much to his surprise he was wearing a different clothes. They didn't look much better than before, but they were definitely different. He felt his body and found no injuries.
"What the-?" Derick muttered, bewildered, as he walked slowly across the coarse floor. "What the hell is this place?" He looked up only to see dark grey clouds. He looked around to see nothing but a baron wasteland. He looked around to find nothing. He was alone: alone in a place very unfamiliar to him.



Chapter 2: Lizards, Zemour and Capture.

For days Derick wandered aimlessly around the dead, lifeless fields, feeling lifeless himself. If was as if the fields were a visual representation of his emotion: empty. Days and days he walked, not a sign of anything and very oddly, he didn't feel any hunger, thirst or signs of fatigue. Human limitations seemed to have disappeared completely.
After countless days of dragging himself through the wastelands, in the far off distance he could make out a small building what looked like a church or cathedral, bearing the Christian cross on the side of it's walls in between huge, colourful windows bearing pictures of a hands reaching down from the clouds and people, whom Derick supposed were saints. Blinking to check what he had just seen was real, his emotions completely changed. He let out a cry of relief and ran quickly towards the building. As he did, he noticed the ground beneath him was becoming greener. The sky was a deep blue with few clouds, trees and other wildlife was in abundance and birds, squirrels and other small animals were going about their lives happily.
He quickly approached the church, noticing the doors just closing. 'People are here!' Derick thought, as he burst in, but what he saw he would have never expected. What looked like half-lizard, half-human, standing eight feet tall was gripping a short, old woman with long grey hair that looked like she was dressed like a vicar high above his head by the neck. The woman was desperately trying to break free, kicking him with what little strength she had. Derick quickly, but quietly hid behind one of the benches, which were laid out in rows, his heart hammering against his chest. Finally the old woman gave in and the lizard-man hissed and threw the body to the floor.
"Massster will be very pleasssed," hissed the lizard, to a small looking teenager who had just stood up from sitting on the front bench. He had long spiky greyish-blue hair that went half way down his back and was wearing a black cloak with red trimmings. "He wiiill won't he, Lord Zemour?"
The boy looked back and in a rather bored voice replied. "Of course he will. You did his bidding, did you not?" Zemour started to laugh mockingly, "Your kind are very stupid, I must say. You ask the most idiotic questions. I don't know what he sees in you. You? A captain? Honestly, your kind isn’t suitable for a position of meaning. You should just be used as shields for the decent soldiers. Like me, say?" Zemour gave a twisted smile to the lizard.
"I would kill you if massster didn't care about you," Hissed the lizard moving right in front of Zemour, looking down on him.
"You would, would you?" Zemour started to laugh again. "You said massster was the only one stopping you from killing me? Well guess what?" Zemour's eyes glowed and he broke out with an inhuman, evil grin. "No one's stopping me from killing you, lizard freak!" Zemour raised his hand with incredible speed against the stomach of the lizard-man. His hand started glowing red and the lizard swung to hit Zemour in the head, but without moving his eyes from his glowing hand, Zemour swung up his other hand and blocked the punch.
"I wonder what it feels like to not exist?" Zemour asked, his grin growing bigger, more evil and even more inhuman. His red hand quickly penetrated the body of the lizard and a deadly silence fell over the church.
The lizard started breathing deeply and his arms fell limp to his sides, then his body started to shake madly.
"Oh! I forgot," said Zemour, in an insanely happy voice. He put out his free hand and clicked his fingers, as a green glow appeared around his body. "Now I won't get my robes dirty."
All of a sudden, the lizard's body blew into a million peices and blood and body parts soared across the building, dying the room a deep red. Zemour smiled, and then clicked his fingers and the blood that covered him disappeared along with the green glow. His smile quickly faded and turned back into his bored face again. He put his hands behind his back and walked out of the church quietly, not noticing Derick hiding behind a bench, terrified.

Derick stumbled out of the bowels of the church and out into what he expected to be a pleasant scene compared to the horror inside. Derick’s eyes widened and he looked around frantically. Everything was gone; all of the trees, plants, life …everything. The whole area looked like the desert he had managed to escape. He fell to the floor and sat looking around for what felt like hours.
Suddenly, a blood-curdling roar could be heard. Derick jumped to his feet and made for a wall behind the church. He poked his head round to see if what he heard had visualised yet and he saw a beautiful girl with long pink hair, wearing a white dress running from four people which looked like the lizard man Derick had saw in the church. He continued to watch from behind the wall, and then the girl tripped. The largest of the lizards flew forwards, caught her and hit her on the back of her neck, knocking her unconscious.
“Misssion accomplisshed, men. Returrn to basse,” hissed the lizard. “I’m ssure master will reward u- Whaat wasss that?”
A crunching noise from stones came from where Derick was standing. The lizards turned around and started walking over to Derick’s position. Derick ran around the other side of the church, his heart in his throat.
“Found him!” shouted a lizard, as another came from around the wall Derick had just ran from.
Another lizard jumped from the top of the church onto Derick’s back. Derick struggled to get the lizard off of him, but to no avail. Derick lay there shocked at the speed the lizard had managed to get onto the huge church and at the same time jump and land safely. The lizard pulled out a piece of high-tech machinery out of the back of his trousers and pressed it into the back of Derick. Derick started to fall unconscious, as the sound of a boy could be heard shouting to the lizards, which were muttering to themselves.
“Stop! Stop you filthy creatures!”
The voice was Zemour’s, but he sounded scared, even terrified.
“Stop or I’ll rip you all apar -“

[Richard El Britannia]

Derick’s eyes opened, his eyelids heavy. He groaned and lazily shut his eyes again, then it struck him; the last thing that happened was getting attacked by a bunch of lizard men. He shot up at the realisation of this, but a great pain shot down his back. Derick roared in pain, like a dying lion would and fell back down onto a soft, comfortable bed, catching glimpses of high-tech machinery, other beds, computers and many tanks filled with a red liquid at the bottom of the large room. What Derick had saw before the pain subdued him, was incredibly strange to a simple mountain villager like himself.
At the entrance to the room, stood a middle-aged, average sized man, with short brown hair, that was going grey in places, wearing a lavish red suit and holding a long cane beside him, with a metal snake coiled around it. Next to the man, stood young Zemour, looking worried.
“Master, I am incredibly sorry,” Zemour pleaded, with the same worried face from before. “It was those damned Lizra’s, they’re always causing trouble.”
“Still, you didn’t do what I told you to, Zemour,” the man replied lazily, staring over the room at Derick. “I told you to search for the new man that had entered our world before he met … unfortunate circumstances, did I not?”
“Well, umm, ye-“ Zemour said, before being cut-off by the man.
“Well we all make mistakes, it’s just lucky you found him before those Lizras finished him. You are dismissed, Zemour.”
Zemour gave a sigh of relief, then quickly straightened himself up and saluted. “Thank you for your mercy, Lord Rum,” Zemour said, his voice sounding a lot more confident. Zemour quickly left the room, his expression bored once again.
“That boy is too valuable to have exterminated for that sort of mistake,” Rum said, slowly walking over to Derick, the metal floor clanking with his every footstep. “Well, well, well, look at you,” Rum smiled maliciously, leaning over Derick’s unconscious body. “If you got finished back there then I wouldn’t be at all pleased. Not many people like you show up every day.”
Derick began to regain consciousness and immediately saw Rum standing over him. He quickly attempted to force Rum out of the way, but Rum had already held him down to the bed.
“Move and you’ll hurt yourself,” Rum shouted, having no trouble holding down Derick. “I’m sure you’re shocked about what happened, but for now, you must rest. Answers will come later.”
“Damn it! I need answers now!” Derick retorted, struggling to break free of Rum’s grasp.
“No! You shall remain as you are!” Rum roared, holding Derick down with one hand and with is free one, lifting his cane with the other. The snake’s ruby eyes glowed and suddenly Derick stopped putting up any resistance. “I’m sorry, but if you keep acting the way you are, you’ll kill yourself."
“H-How di-did you do that?” Derick asked, his voice trembling.
“Like I said, all shall be explained later. For now, you must sleep. I’ll be back in a few days time. If the spell does ware off, don’t overdo it.”
Derick shouted more questions at Rum, but he simply ignored this and strode out of the room, whistling. Seconds later, a huge metal door crashed down, with no signs of a way to actually open it.
Two days passed and still, Derick couldn’t move. Thoughts circled his mind violently, as he tried to think up some feasible explanation for what was actually happening. As he lay there, going mad in his own thoughts, he suddenly felt his index finger move. ‘It’s about time!’ He thought, slowly pushing himself up off of the bed. The pain that he had once felt in his back, felt like nothing more than a bruise now, but he still moved slowly. He clambered off of the bed and tried to stand properly on the cold, smooth metal floor. Dragging his body around the room, Derick looked at all of the machinery and computers scattered throughout in awe. He eventually made it to the far end of the room where the huge tanks were. He stood in front of the tanks, gazing at the gooey red liquid sparkle, then moved onto the one next to it. Unlike the other one, this had many pipes and wires coming out of it and the liquid was a much thinner and green in colour. The greatest difference wasn’t the colour or liquid in it, instead the naked body of the beautiful girl captured by the Lizras earlier floated in it, inanimate. Various parts of her body were removed and pipes and many wires were inserted into her body. “What is this place?” Derick muttered, his mind racing. He continued to stare at the tank and suddenly; a loud crash came from the entrance to the room.
The door had opened and Rum strode in, flanked by Zemour, who had the same look of boredom on his face and a very tall young man, with long greyish-blue hair like the colour of Zemour’s down to his waist, wearing black clothes and a black trench coat. The expression he wore unlike Zemour’s was incredibly serious.
Derick stared over at Zemour. The last time he had seen him; he had forced his hand into the stomach of a Lizra and blew it up from the inside.
“Y-You,” Derick said, pointing at Zemour. “You killed that lizard thing.”
Before Zemour had a chance to retort, Rum had cut off his speech. “Yes, he did indeed, but Zemour here, is one of my higher officers. If anyone shows any hostility to any of my higher officers, then it is classed as treason. If he had come back, he would’ve been exterminated anyway. Now, these two are Zemour,” Rum said, signalling to Zemour, who stood behind him. “And this is Zebellion,” He pointed to the taller man, who nodded his head absently at the mention of his name. “And my name is Rum.”
Derick froze for a moment, looking at the three people, then replied reluctantly. “N-Nice to meet you. My name’s Derick.” Derick held out his hand and Rum shaked it.
“Well I’m sure you’re wondering about what’s going on and where you are?” Rum asked, and then noticed they were right in front of the tanks. “How about we go to a more comfortable area to discuss this?” Rum suggested, smiling warmly.
“Sure,” Derick replied, in a cautious tone.”
“Excellent. Follow me,” Rum said, walking out of the room, Zemour and Zebellion quickly following behind him. “Oh, Zemour, Zebellion, you are dismissed.”
Zemour and Zebellion quickly saluted, and then quickly left the room ahead of Rum and Derick.
Derick followed Rum out of the room, into a similar looking corridor. The floor was metal, computers were installed in various places and other machinery was scattered down it. The lights in the ceiling glowed soft, neon blue. Derick quickly walked to keep up with Rum through the labyrinth of corridors and eventually, they came to a large, metal door with a small computer in front. Rum quickly typed on it and a jingle was heard, then a cool woman’s voice said “Access Granted”. The huge door flew into the ceiling and Rum walked in, leaving Derick looking at the door and computer in awe.
“You may come in, you know,” Rum said, taking a seat on large, black leather chair behind a huge desk.
Derick walked in, shocked suddenly, by the huge door slamming behind him. This room, in comparison to the others, looked a lot more personal. The floor, instead of being cold, hard metal, was a soft, deep red coloured carpet. The furniture was all made out of wood and in the corner of the room, stood a crammed bookcase.
“Please, take a seat,” Rum said, smiling and signalled to an equally comfortable, black leather chair in front of the desk he sat at. Derick sat down, and then almost immediately, Rum began to speak. “Well, you said you wanted an explanation, well I’ll tell you as much as I can. You can ask as many questions as you want after I’ve finished.
Well, where to begin? Well, you died a while back, which I’m sure you’ve come to understand by now. This, my friend, is Heaven.”
“What?” Derick shouted, jumping out of his seat, slamming his hands down onto the desk.
“Please, calm down, Derick. I’m sure you’ll want to know why there is violence is Heaven? Well, even I don’t know the answer to that, friend, however, there are still criminals here. My men destroy those criminals to make this place nice to live in. Unfortunately, the Lizra that attacked you thought you were a criminal. The girl they managed to capture was, but we decided to let her live. Some people we use for experimental purposes. I have decided to keep her and make her into a superior being. That’s why she was floating in that tank.”
Derick shuddered. ‘That still sounds terrible. Human experimentation? This man is insane.’
“I can see by the look on your face you find this a little disturbing. Well don’t worry, she feels no pain in the changing process, it’s just like she’s sleeping. Hmm, now, where was I? Oh yes, this is Heaven. My men do all they can to keep this place nice for the souls to rest in peace.” Rum said, then picking up some papers on his desk in front of him. “You’re Derick Uebus, Aged 27 and born in 1850 in the mountain village of Kranden, situated on the Limara continent. Is this information correct?”
Derick nodded. ‘How does he know all of this?’
Rum laughed. “From the look on your face, I’m guessing that you’re surprised I managed to attain this information? Well, as ruler as Heaven, I’m a, what living humans would call: God.”
Derick stared at Rum, in great shock.
“Hmm, anyway, considering you were born such a long time ago, you don’t understand a lot of our equipment? I’ll have Captain Burch teach you about it all after we’ve finished.
Now, from my knowledge, you died in combat. What it says on these reports is that you were an incredible fighter and because of this, given the title of ‘Defender’ for your village. Well, it seems you have an amazing amount of potential here too. If I trained you first, would you consider becoming part of my army in the future?” Rum said, clasping his hands together.
“Army?” Derick asked, becoming a little interested. “What is the pay like?”
“Pay?” Rum asked, laughing. “Dear man, there is no pay. If you become part of my army you will have everything given to you for free. You will also have top-class accommodation, which is only available to the army."
“Very well, I accept,” replied Derick. After all, he had nothing else he could do in this completely new world.
“Excellent!” cried Rum. “Excellent! I’ll have Captain Burch over now then to teach you about this place.” Rum pulled a small computer out of his pocket and pushed a few buttons. “I’ve contacted him. He’ll be here shortly.”
“Umm, Rum … sir?” Derick asked. “May I ask you a question?”
“Of course, Derick, and there is no need to call me sir, I feel we’re on better terms than that already. Just call it me around the troops. Keeps up morale, you know?” Rum said, smiling.
“Okay … Rum, why has that vicar woman killed in the church by the Lizra? You didn’t tell me about that.”
“Ah, well … those ‘vicars’ are part of a resistance faction, which plan to overthrow me and take over heaven,” Rum replied, unconvincingly.
Derick didn’t dare to question him more on that, knowing that he must’ve been pretty powerful to attain the title of ‘God’.
A loud ringing noise was heard throughout the room, and then a screen slowly came from the ceiling. The same voice from before said, “Captain Burch is here to see you sir”.
“Let him in,” Rum replied and the door to the room flew up into the ceiling.
A huge, muscular man with no hair walked in, wearing a lot of high-tech armour and a huge gun built into his right arm.
“What did you want to see me for, sir?” Burch asked, bowing.
“I want you to teach Derick here about the technology in Heaven, please.”
Burch looked at Rum with a surprised look.
“Yes … err … right, yes sir!” Burch said, saluting, turning to Derick. “Please follow me, Derick.”

[Surreptitious Cardboard Box]

Well, I've already read this plenty of times, so there's not a lot else I can say other than, don't forget about it!
Keep writing.

[Sanzo]

Its awsome so far man, keep it up.

[Richard El Britannia]

Thanks guys. I should begin to write more in the six weeks off. Until then, school is taking it outta me and when I get back, I just can't be bothered.
I look forward to writing some more though. I have some great ideas circulating in my head! ^_^

[Joey]

Great work, keep up the great writing.

[Richard El Britannia]

Thanks. Haha, I find that kinda funny. "Keep up the writing." I said in a post or so up that Iwas gonna write more in the six weeks I have off. I think I have about 2 or 3 left and all I've done is a few paragraphs that aren't huge. I've got mega writer's block right now.

[Richard El Britannia]

Well, I have some more done. I've just been writing a bit of Chapter 3. There will probably be quite a few changes made, but I wanna get some opinions, first.

Chapter 3: The City of Iron

Burch strode very quickly out of the room, rather quickly considering his size, Derick not far behind.
“So, Derick,” Burch started, still looking ahead, turning sharply round a corner. “It seems master Rum has taken a keen interest in you. It’s not often it happens, you must feel honoured.”
Derick mused, then replied, “I suppose so, yes.”
Burch stopped and looked at Derick, frowning. “You ‘suppose so’?” Burch said. “This world is much different to the one you lived in before. Not many people are as well off as you are, Derick. Most people live in the city below, and it’s not an entirely nice place to live.”
“Below?” Derick asked, worriedly.
Burch chuckled to himself and started walking ahead. “This world certainly is different to the one you lived in before, Derick,” he said, amusedly.
Derick looked at Burch’s back, sourly, then walked after him. For a while, they both walked in silence down many corridors, metallic, with computers and lit only by neon blue lights like everywhere else in the building. Eventually, they turned a corner and in front of them both was a huge pair of glass doors. Behind the doors, there was a small circular chamber and a computer installed on the wall.
Burch walked up to the doors and suddenly, they flew into the walls either side of the corridor. Burch strolled in and turned around to see Derick; again, looking in awe at yet another thing he didn’t understand. “Derick! Hurry up and get in here!” he called over to him, snapping Derick back to reality.
Derick jogged in and murmured an apology, then quickly after asked, “What is this?”
Burch pushed a button on the computer built into the wall and the doors flew back into place and the chamber began to descend, shocking Derick again. “It’s called an elevator,” Burch sighed, rolling his eyes. “It takes us down and up the tower. I assume you know what one of those is, Derick?”
“Of course. Don’t treat me like an child,” Derick replied, anger building. “Just because I’m new to this … this world doesn’t make me a fool. Understand?”
Burch laughed mockingly to himself. “I wouldn’t talk to any other captain like that, Derick. Just because I’m nice doesn’t mean the others will be too.” He paused, and then started again. “Sorry, Derick, I forget where you’re from. Well, I’ll explain everything to you in due time.”
Derick still had a look of infuriation on his face. “Very well,” he replied. “Make sure you do.”
Burch sighed again. “I was being serious, Derick. Talk to any other captain or higher-ranking officer than you like that and you’ll regret it.”
Derick simply ignored Burch and waited, watching the metallic walls through the glass as the chamber descended, until the walls weren’t even there at all. Derick ran up to the glass and put his hands on it, like a child looking in on a sweet shop. There, in front of him, was a huge city. Well the top of it, at least. Great towers of metal rose from the ground, many different colours of smoke filled the air and neon lights shown from the ground far below. Out in the distance, the dead, barren wastelands rolled. As the chamber began to get closer to the ground, Derick could make out people weaving in and out of crowds or standing in them, all wearing rags similar to his own. Many different buildings cluttered the city, all of them close giving narrow streets and even narrower alleys. All of the buildings were of different size and all were made of rusted scraps of metal. The place looked like a sty, and there, in the middle of it all, stood a huge, well-made tower that he was coming down in.
Derick turned around to look at Burch, and Burch chuckled again. “I told you that people aren’t as well off as you. Now do you see why I said you should feel honoured?”
Derick gulped and nodded his head, turning slowly again to look out of the glass doors onto the city.

[Surreptitious Cardboard Box]

Nice pacing. It flows quickly, which I like.
Just one noticeable mistake that I thought I ought to inform you of; where it says "the dead, baron wastelands rolled," that should be 'barren'. A baron is a title, not an adjective.

[Richard El Britannia]

Ah, thanks for that, Sophie. I'll correct it now. ^_^

[Crypto]

Dude thats great.

I coulnt stop reading it.

If i was one of those kool paper people i would give you a msart comment and 5 stars ^^

[Richard El Britannia]

Thanks.
Could you perhaps try and give me a way to improve or something, though? Would help alot.

[Crypto]

I don't really know, Because i look for a story that gives me the images in my head...AND YOUR DID.

Soo...I guess you could umm...Get....BATTLE SCENES

[Richard El Britannia]

Lol, battle scenes to come. Be patient.

[Crypto]

Quick question, In your story, What happens if you die in heaven?