Name Undisclosed

[Absinthe]

This is NOT MINE. It belongs to someone who is not a member here. She wants opinions on it. She plans on finishing the story and making a whole book with it. So, once again, THIS IS NOT MINE AND I TAKE NO CREDIT FOR IT. I'm merely posting it to get your opinions (since I'm going to be co-writing it with her). She's asked me not to disclose her identity in any way.


It was late. Claire didn't know how late, but night had closed it's purple
curtain around her as she relaxed on a blanket on the grass of Oakland Park. She
was visiting her hometown of Thief River Falls, Minnesota after being away for
what seemed an eternity. Time had slipped away in the old familiar scent of cut
grass and leaves. There was a chill in the air and she could actually smell the
Autumn coming. It was only late August, but summer left that town like an old
friend. It always returned sooner or later, but it's stay was always too brief
and it's passing came much too soon. Claire had always loved the Autumn there.
She had been to the far ends of the earth and still her favorite place was
Oakland Park. Whenever the fall would come, she longed for it's quiet stillness
and the sounds of nature that would lull her into a bliss that she could never
find anywhere else.

There was something about that town that seemed to beckon her back. Things just
move at a slower pace. Everything seemed to be stuck in somewhat of a time warp
and whenever Claire returned, it was like she was 15 years old again. Everyone
thought of her the same way and everyone looked the same to her. She had moved
there in High School from Detroit when her mother sought a better life and
school for her children. The town was closer to family in Canada and Claire and
her sister and brother could spend their summers on their Grandparents farm. How
she loved that farm. She had so many friends there and she hated when it was
time to go back to "the states". Thief River Falls was not the place that Claire
ever wanted to be a part of. A rut she called it. The whole place was stuck in a
rut and couldn't move forward. There was the same old gossip and whispers about
her for as long as she could remember. There was a time when she loathed the
place and it's people. Now she longed for the old rut. It seemed there were
answers there that she was looking for and perhaps now she could finally figure
out exactly who they were and what they wanted with her. Why had they chosen to
make her the one that could see them? Who were they and was she just some kind
of amusement to them or was there another purpose in mind?

One of them in particular held a definite piece to the puzzle. He was never far
from Claire and no matter where she roamed, he was always there. She couldn't
always see him, but she felt his presence. In this cool evening air she was
somehow warmed and comforted by a being that had been there for her since the
first time she ran to that park to get away from some taunting classmates. She
had thought him as a guardian angel of sorts. She never believed in Angels and
wasn't a religious person, but somehow there was a feeling of good about him. He
was the voice that told her not to stoop to their level and to keep quiet. He
would drown out their cruel words and soon she would feel nothing. She would
just bite her tongue and not say a word and they learned to think of her as a
freak and soon left her alone. Better to be a freak than to be pigeonholed into
one of their groups. She'd tried that and found it not to her liking. Here she
was thinking she fit in only to find herself being the butt of their jokes or
enduring the constant questions as to why couldn't she just try and be normal.
She'd had enough and had chose her own path. There were only a couple of people
who would walk that path with her. One was her best friend Jen and the other was
the man that she did not know much about. He came to be known as _______ and as
for why he chose her path she did not know, but she was finally ready and most
eager to put the pieces together and figure it out.

[Richard El Britannia]

Wells, I really like it. I'm not brilliant at criticising literary works (just ask Sophie ) but I really enjoyed what there is so far. I really like the writing style I'm intrigued to know what kind of story this will be. I'm also intrigued into why Claire is viewed as a freak ... unless she's just a social outcast or something?

[Absinthe]

Okay, she said she made a couple changes to the first three paragraphs, but she's added two, as well. This is the whole thing as of now:


It was late. Claire didn't know how late, but night had closed it's purple curtain around her as she relaxed on a blanket on the grass of Oakland Park. She was visiting her hometown of Thief River Falls, Minnesota after being away for what seemed an eternity. Time had slipped away in the old familiar scent of cut grass and leaves. There was a chill in the air and she could actually smell the Autumn coming. It was only late August, but summer left that town like an old friend. It always returned sooner or later, but it's stay was always too brief and it's passing came much too soon. Claire had always loved the Autumn there. She had been to the far ends of the earth and still her favorite place was Oakland Park. Whenever the fall would come, she longed for it's quiet stillness and the sounds of nature that would lull her into a bliss that she could never find anywhere else.

There was something about that town that seemed to beckon her back. Things just move at a slower pace. Everything seemed to be stuck in somewhat of a time warp and whenever Claire returned, it was like she was 15 years old again. Everyone thought of her the same way and everyone looked the same to her. She had moved there in High School from Detroit when her mother sought a better life and school for her children. The town was closer to family in Canada and Claire and her sister and brother could spend their summers on their Grandparents farm. How she loved that farm. She had so many friends there and she hated when it was time to go back to "the states". Thief River Falls was not the place that Claire ever wanted to be a part of. A rut she called it. The whole place was stuck in a rut and couldn't move forward. There was the same old gossip and whispers about her for as long as she could remember. There was a time when she loathed the place and it's people. Now she longed for the old rut. It seemed there were answers there that she was looking for and perhaps now she could finally figure out exactly who they were and what they wanted with her. Why had they chosen to make her the one that could see them? Who were they and was she just some kind of amusement to them or was there another purpose in mind?

One of them in particular held a definite piece to the puzzle. He was never far from Claire and no matter where she roamed, he was always there. She couldn't always see him, but she felt his presence. In this cool evening air she was somehow warmed and comforted by a being that had been there for her since the first time she ran to that park to get away from some taunting classmates. She had thought him as a guardian angel of a sort. She never believed in angels and wasn't a religious person, but somehow there was a feeling of good about him. He was the voice that told her not to stoop to their level and to keep quiet. He would drown out their words and soon she would feel nothing. The world around her became dead calm and they ceased to exist.They all learned to think of her as a freak and that suited her just fine.Better to be a freak than to be pigeonholed into one of their groups. She'd tried their groups and found them not to her liking. Here she was thinking she fit in only to find herself being the butt of their jokes or enduring the constant questions as to why couldn't she just try and be normal. She'd had enough of them and had chosen her own path. There were only a couple of people who would walk that path with her. One was her best friend Jen and the other was the man that she did not know much about. He came to be known as _______ and as for why he chose her path she did not know, but she was finally ready and most eager to put the pieces together and figure it out.

"Okay, time to go." Claire said aloud. She pryed herself up off the ground, folded her blanket and headed for her car. She'd have liked to have stayed longer, but the park was closed and soon the police would be making their rounds. The park had been a haven for young couples and offered privacy and a scenic view. The local police department seemed to enjoy frightening young lovers by knocking on the steamy windows and telling them to move it on to a motel. Sometimes if they knew one of the pair, they'd harrass them a little more with the threat of telling their father. Claire never had any problems with them, like everyone else, they just ignored her. Her brother Steve had a few issues with the men in blue there. He wasn't a bad kid, but he did hang out with a not so good crowd. Once he was pulled over by the police and an officer searched everything and couldn't find anything wrong. Steve hadn't been drinking and his friends were just cruising the sleepy streets. They asked why the officer had pulled them over and watched as one of Thief River's finest kicked the bumper of the car and told Steve that it was coming loose and to get it fixed. The swine also bent the hood ornament on the car and had the nerve to say they pulled him over because it just may have been distracting his view. It was like they were just looking for something to do and harrassing kids that were't hockey players or honor students was something they relished. It's no wonder that sometimes Claire had to chuckle to herself over the time that her brother's friend Tim made the police chase him, walked out into the river and said, "Okay, I know you've got me, but you're going to have to get wet if you want to take me in." He seemed to always be in some kind of trouble and deserved the fines he got. Still, Claire always found him amusing and the thought of that group of uniforms wading through the murky water made her smile. Claire was still smiling as she drove up the hill and sure enough she passed a police car. She burst out laughing as she drove past with Gomer looking in at her and wondering what she could have possibly been doing down there all by herself. As she drove down the road, she could almost hear his accusing thoughts as he followed her car to make sure she was leaving. She turned down the road to her Mother's house and as she pulled into the garage, she waved to the officer as he slowly drove away still watching her and wondering what she was up to.

Down the hall to her old bedroom she walked quietly so as not to wake her mother. Now that brought memories flooding back. She still seemed to be afraid of her mother waking up and questioning her in the middle of the night. Slowly she turned the doorknob, knowing just how far to open it before the door squeaked. Sqeeeeaaaak! "Aw f**k, Shit and hell fire!" She said aloud as she heard the sleepy sounds of her mother's voice calling her. "Claire, It got so late and I went to bed. I didn't think you'd be here until morning." Claire quickly replied, " I decided to visit some friends along the way and lost track of time, I'm just going to crash now, Mom. I'll see you in the morning and we can go out for breakfast." It sounded like her mom went back to sleep so Claire washed up and went to bed. The old room hadn't changed. It was so comforting to her. She looked under the window and saw and old Duran Duran poster.